So many things left unsaid; salted tears introduced themselves to my pillow at night.
The very essence of me wanted to embrace the love of you without allowing hurt to become you. Guided travels to places of corruption, filth, and the misconceptions of the man I truly was placed blinders upon my eyes creating pathways of hopelessness with a pinch of despair, troubling, because I was so close to finding change. Why could I not make the decision to stop the nonsense? Was this game of Hide-Go-Seek that my heart displaced in its own misery only to be lost in its own ventricular seduction bound to die?
A barrier, like the Berlin wall, separated my love and my ego...
As much as my love would rain roses from the sky, both red and blue, my ego did not allow me to sacrifice the ultimate guarantee of loving you without blemish. Wearing down, my body began to change: the functionality of how I conceptualized love and relationships, fore-saw realities, and the subtle longing for a "miracle" to set me free never developed into fruition. I craved for the attention of things that set me adrift far away from the front door that I had a permanent key to. The key, crafted to unlock the entry way, withered away along with I. My voice was muted from the pain inflicted by selfishness. A plead to take me as I am no longer carried weight: It carried misery, deceit, and mistrust. I was dying physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I pleaded,"God, I am not ready for the next step in my life. I need time. I need prayer. I need cleansing. I need love bad, God. Why now Lord?"
Numerous attempts to walk down the right pathway led me astray from the people that loved me unconditionally. I sought to be a better man. I did not make it. As I pulled up and knocked ever so gently on your door, I wanted to see you. I wanted to feel your breath on my neck as we embraced. I wanted to spot a kiss on the top of your nose and watch the tickle effect of it make you laugh and smile. As you opened the door, I looked in comfort then my heart stopped. Your last words I could hear, "I will never stop loving you." In response, I tried to say "I see you soon", but my internal clock was thumping too loud for me to voice my words.
Ironically, I saw you. I felt your breath on my neck. You kissed me on the top of my nose. In spirit, I laughed and smile. I passed away knowing that you will never stop loving me.
My spirit rose and I asked, "Why now Lord?" HE responded, "There is something special I need you to do...I am going to bathe you, cleanse you, teach you how to pray and love all over again...and send you back HOME to be the example-ship of my love...
Love Fiction: The Rebirth Of My Heart releasing on Thanksgiving Day....
Thank you all for reading my 30-Day Rebirth series...It has been a cleansing for me and has helped with the healing process of all the things I have endured.
