Psalm 51:10

With a highway of situational thoughts trafficking of what is yet to become, I dare not look over my shoulder because that is where pain lives. That is where liars live-cohabitating with players, con-men and egotistical factions. Took a few of belongings and a box of tissues in case my eyes need to drain themselves. Exhausted from the GAME, my desire to move forth into the next chapter of my life, in Godspeed, I journey. Facing the enemy in myself, I could not fathom the robust attitude of my ego any longer. Longing to find redemption by patterning what I say is what I mean and what I mean is what I will do stance, hoping Love will romance me once again. Facing adversity through my will to win again. Driven to watch my actions create joy in someone. Giving someone a hug of safety. Implanting God's word with every decision made. But my walk has to be in unison with God's purpose. Sometimes, Lord I just do not have the energy to keep walking. I get distracted by watching the planes fly in the sky. Often, the temptation to look over my shoulder blurs my forward watch. My heart hurts as if the problems that have failed me keep robbing my joy inside. The peace of love evades the power of my willingness to proceed budding an in-the-flesh contradiction. A straight line I walk, but my words color outside the lines creating a fictional portrayal of who I really am and truly what carries my heart. I love Love but I am afraid of placing my heart in the hands of another. No way can I succumb to heartbreak when my heart, fragile and recluse in its contentment, being alone has always been my master plan. Freedom of my mind Lord is what I am praying for. Not sure when I will get there, but I will get there Lord. I will walk in favor and bring an abundance of reassurance that I will move in fortitude of what is yet to become.

Thy beauty of thy heart

Placing permanent ink borders around my heart that is troublesome and lonely ensuring one does not across into a place where hurt may strike again. Not sure if my heart can carry the capacity of genuine; Daily struggles of remorse while carrying dead weight of what ifs'. From the chords of my lungs etching out silent songs tempo-ed by melodies saddened by decisions made with a coarse heart. Fabricated truths and written ploys of unrehearsed drama-a rathole of a screenwriter of lies I became. Nominated and voted unanimously by those whose thought processes resembled my very own in structure; only different being-my lies, hurts, remorse and tears are written in permanent ink. Trying to move forth by adding calculated synthetic protein additives to build muscle around my scarred and damaged heart. More muscle more problems it seems. I guess the synthetic ingredients of the protein cannot obscure a "dealing heart." A pledge of allegiance is warranted. But strength to place my hand over a muscle not yet mature to take on the rigors of life, has subjected me to a darkened room of no one to trade thoughts upon. A room, of very little light, to decipher what my next thought will look like because the limitless light gives no room for introspect. Where does a heart go when its worn? Like a frog on a lily pad, observing nature in 3D, my heart leaps from thoughts to conclusions, conclusions to thoughts, only to drown on the lily pad that could not hold my weight for very long. It is amazing how Thy beauty of thy heart controls what thy see in color. But when Thy heart is worn it channels All THINGS in black and white. Filled with the wonders of love, my heart and its lonely can only seek what it can truly define. By incorporating pre-cautionary measures and stricter rules to ensure joy, happiness, peace and elongated love and passion beyond what Cupid offers. If there were no me, my heart would still be relevant; if my heart succumbed to just words; love would be irrelevant. And once my heart defines someone who really justifies love, she will be regarded as "Heaven Sent." Thy beauty of thy heart controls what thy see in color; When thy heart is "dealing" the room becomes dark, lies resemble truths, and permanent scars become inked. The hurt will one day cease. The heart will beat in rhythm again. Be accepting of what is yet to come... Pray for thy beauty of thy heart.