Gerald Levert & Eddie Levert - Already Missing You

Rebirth Day 30: The Prelude to the 2nd Coming...

So many things left unsaid; salted tears introduced themselves to my pillow at night. The very essence of me wanted to embrace the love of you without allowing hurt to become you. Guided travels to places of corruption, filth, and the misconceptions of the man I truly was placed blinders upon my eyes creating pathways of hopelessness with a pinch of despair, troubling, because I was so close to finding change. Why could I not make the decision to stop the nonsense? Was this game of Hide-Go-Seek that my heart displaced in its own misery only to be lost in its own ventricular seduction bound to die? A barrier, like the Berlin wall, separated my love and my ego... As much as my love would rain roses from the sky, both red and blue, my ego did not allow me to sacrifice the ultimate guarantee of loving you without blemish. Wearing down, my body began to change: the functionality of how I conceptualized love and relationships, fore-saw realities, and the subtle longing for a "miracle" to set me free never developed into fruition. I craved for the attention of things that set me adrift far away from the front door that I had a permanent key to. The key, crafted to unlock the entry way, withered away along with I. My voice was muted from the pain inflicted by selfishness. A plead to take me as I am no longer carried weight: It carried misery, deceit, and mistrust. I was dying physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I pleaded,"God, I am not ready for the next step in my life. I need time. I need prayer. I need cleansing. I need love bad, God. Why now Lord?" Numerous attempts to walk down the right pathway led me astray from the people that loved me unconditionally. I sought to be a better man. I did not make it. As I pulled up and knocked ever so gently on your door, I wanted to see you. I wanted to feel your breath on my neck as we embraced. I wanted to spot a kiss on the top of your nose and watch the tickle effect of it make you laugh and smile. As you opened the door, I looked in comfort then my heart stopped. Your last words I could hear, "I will never stop loving you." In response, I tried to say "I see you soon", but my internal clock was thumping too loud for me to voice my words. Ironically, I saw you. I felt your breath on my neck. You kissed me on the top of my nose. In spirit, I laughed and smile. I passed away knowing that you will never stop loving me. My spirit rose and I asked, "Why now Lord?" HE responded, "There is something special I need you to do...I am going to bathe you, cleanse you, teach you how to pray and love all over again...and send you back HOME to be the example-ship of my love... Love Fiction: The Rebirth Of My Heart releasing on Thanksgiving Day.... Thank you all for reading my 30-Day Rebirth series...It has been a cleansing for me and has helped with the healing process of all the things I have endured.

Rebirth Day 29

I found myself drowning in your eyes; awakened by your soulful eyes that deliver the sweetest hello that only saliva moistened lips could only pretend to do. Splices in my life became surreal whereas hope was lost and far-fetched yet we bridged a connection on bended knees praying without ceasing, loving without restraint, and living in transparency: The storm we will survive. Burdened with an undeniable past forever quenching the thirst of my beloved critics and haters, my focus has always constructed a place where my loudest screams, my godly cries will be sheltered with arms wrapped around me, fingers interlocked while my spirit man plays super-hero. Running after you, I ran into a few pit stops. My journey had me freestyle swimming to the mountaintop: There I will rest and wait in obedience as God re-shapes, re-invents, re-creates this man who lives in dire fear. Fear of what some may ask: Fear that I will not make it; Fear that I will never Love again; Fear of taking the last shot of life with one second on the clock (My Lebron hands); Fear that I will never see the Love in you. Miles away you stood, roads curving, slanted pavement and center lines motioning in various directions, we choose our own pathways without counsel only to end up in places where we do not belong. Just when I think that I am there, the journey quadruples its length, hurdling issues upon issues, but it behooved me to get to the mountaintop. Martin Luther King wrote, "Like anybody, I would like to live-a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. So I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." Upon withdrawing my heart of its deceitful nature, the cleansing begun. Like pheromones produced as two lovers become one in the midnight hour, I thank God for my journey and the lessons that be. "He who knoweth his self hath known his Lord."

Rebirth Day 28

My mind creates its own highway of thoughts filled with commuting ideas with how I will restart my journey to find my own inner-truths. Once weakened by remorse, frustrated with my compassion, and eager to set adrift to a new conclusion, I beckon my God to take this lofty-minded man into HIS framework of obedience, guidance and love. The years of taking advantage of those whose loved the painted areas of my soul received a raw deal, yet the evolution of what was to become of the friendship grew thorns that sharply sliced the life out of those who sincerely loved me. Never did I abandon hope. Never did I waiver with explosive remedies that kept me in tune with reality. Never did I believe that I was a quitter. God created me to love: Unconditionally, safely, with wise-counsel; and without fault. Listen, I had to admit my short-comings, insecurities, mistakes, and I even dined with Satan on occasion. On his menu he had everything contrary to God's promise, wait, wait, but it was costly. Smoking mirrors, sanity lost, no hope, driven by lust...emotional breakdown. "But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." As I was bathing in my own tears, something magical happened...

Rebirth: Day 27

Wanted to see you one last time,
Nervously rehearsing what my last words would be.
Unable to let go of past failures,
I refused to meet.
Not sure if it was the fear of looking into those very eyes that made love to my soul,
Or the fact of the matter was: I still cry for you.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
You always made me feel bigger than my 5'11 frame.
I was your hero, peacemaker, love-maker, anti-heartbreaker,
When wanted, I came running.
One day, I kept running because you stopped wanting.
I stopped loving because you gave up on me.
Once living above the clouds draped in passion and romance,
Literally, dancing with the stars from sunrise to sunset.
Where did the love go?
Why couldn't I stop running baby?
Sleeping without love was lengthening my nights of turmoil baby.
Can we talk about making the commitment "us" a priority?
You said, "No!"
I asked, "Why?"
Your response: "You remind me of the same person who is labeled as the "Father of Lies."
She continued, "When you kept running, I begged for you to stop, but you were so focused on living for the untruths and without disregard of my feelings, my heart hardened, I gave up and died...forever."

Rebirth: Day 26

Pressing forward attempting to shift my heart into a new home,
Seemingly, in love for a lifetime, but love decided to move on.
Standing as tall as one could, I fought for what I thought was true,
And what I thought was true was the obvious reason I was battling for the love of you.
The death of me felt near,
On bended knees,
Asking the Lord to ease my fear,
I always played the game to win.
But when the white flag was raised,
I knew I lost my best friend.
No energy abound to construct my thoughts,
The perils of feeling sorry for myself,
Brought on depression, hopelessness, and self-doubt.
I loved loving you.
My earthed angel-plentiful and wholesome
Your beauty and kindness awe-strucked my conservative heart
Governing me to vote that I would one day de-wed.
I wish I could have "changed clothes" and gave you monogamy,
Followed by lifelong memories of smiles, laughter, children, and volunteering kisses on your front lobe as each night ends.
Feeling as though my mind drowns itself with peculiar thoughts,
Though time as taken me down a different pathway,
I will never muster up my lips to say Good-bye.
Love, I will see you again: In love and in Truth.
Love, hear my outcries because SOON I will be coming back for you.

Rebirth Day 25

As the finish line becomes in plainer view, I nervously stare behind me for a milli-second at my non-forgiving past that tries to seduce me about those days where my pride and ego was the center of attention. Finding growth within myself, wanting to move on to a better place in my mind so that my actions will super-exceed my words so I can become someone's real life super hero. But the teetering back and forth of controlling what is right takes a back seat allowing my carnal-mind to long for the affection of a womanly touch placing me in a state of physical sin and regret. Tired of sounding like a broken record to My Lord and Savior proclaiming time and time again that "I am sorry; forgive me; i will never do it again" but making myself believe that my needs comes before God's purpose and plan. So I fall victim to me and the conclusion of my worldly thinking creates a separation between my prayer life and my relationship with God. Ashamed by the details of my actions both impromptu and without rationale, I stare at my bible hoping it would magically open and speak to me. My hands of filth, deception, and lack of control dares not to touch the holiness of God's living word because every layer of the skin that protects my bones would burn in hell. I short-breath God to touch me, create pathways of new hope, clearer vision, and mount in my chest a new heart, and as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz wanted-a brain that cognitively sees things for what they truly are, not for the moments that be. Never would I imagine that praying for a "Rebirth" sort of speak seems more like a relapse as I speak.