Good-bye my love said after each exhale ridding of the pain co-existing inside. I had to see you one last time. Capture your smile, your beautiful eyes that I adored looking into mine. Take my hand and tell me that you will ok. I am a man but I have to cry OUT to GOD to take this pain away. Baby, are you sure leaving me is the best thing to do. We both made mistakes but I willing to forgive if you are willing to forgive too. I know your the one. I knew it from the very start. Two years later, still in love, you began drifting apart. My hand, my heart and my love are all aligned for love, for us, for-ever. But you needed space, you said it was for the better. More space, less time to dream, room for the enemy to seek, kill and destroy. What I thought was real became a defected toy. I sought after you with pure might and purpose. Losing you I could not fathom. Rather fight than not. You said not. You said don't wait. You need to do you. While my love was just in bloom. Now, I am stewing in my emotions... Wanting one last cry...

?

Time was what was necessary. Dreams of holy matrimony engaged my thoughts. That day kissing my bride under the cherry moon, etched carefully across my heart,rehearsed and photographed, produced a blank photo. I was in love with your "dont do's" never contemplating any less but giving you every ounce of my being. Cherishing every breath you took. Loving you into tomorrow's sun; breathing life into your spirit one scripture, one prayer at a time. I could not fathom why the photo remained blank just when the "I do" was silently manifested. I needed to see your smile in the photo. My mind settles with yes, but my heart sirens no. Cold feet? No. Hardened heart? No. YOU turned stone cold. Like love served you an eviction notice. All I wanted was your everything. I wanted to be your everything...365 days every year. I did not care who was your first kiss; I wanted to be your last. Your eyes told no truths. So what are we doing?

I caught feelings while daydreaming unto your eyes. So beautiful to gaze; more delicate than a pink rose blooming on Easter Sunday. My eyes gazing with intent. Desiring to place kisses where my love desires to live. The unspoken passion to carry you into tomorrow happy has me presently romancing your entire being. Wanting you here, right now, between my heart and my loving arms, today means nothing if my love for you cannot display its meaning upon you. Wine and Us. Two loving souls connecting beyond the hemisphere finding our faults under the stars becoming celebrities within. Each word spoken s'mores my heart, cries my tears, by the fireplace we lay creating a rendition of how love making is done through a kiss. How beautiful you are. How each breath you take synchronizes with every sentence I create. Smile baby. Smile. Smile while I am kissing you. Laugh as I tickle you. Dream of me marrying you. Finally realized that I was not crazy at all for saying I-knew-you-were-the-one the very first day I saw you. God created you for me. God sent you to me to fulfill your dreams through me. So S-M-I-L-E. Love has taken its position...ready, set, and go.

I wish I knew perfect. But I do not think perfect would ever want to be friends. I have a heart that has been broken. I have eyes that have seen un-truths. I have walked and turned my head away from perfect; leaving perfect with a permanent scar. No words could ever convince perfect to stay. I abused her with my actions; lied with my right hand up; perfect slept with the enemy...a reflection of imperfectness no mirror could reflect. Under a rock without hope, I wept, hoping to find a way. Broken and un-guarded, with only minutes to despair, I reverted back to old ways of thinking pushing me further into the abyss. Charting time and energy, not caring for the repercussions of my repetitious acts of selfishness. Forgive me. Piece by piece of my heart, mind and spirit began shredding away in a darkened place. Dry mouthed, no sense of time nor direction, my echoed sobs, intense tearing of eyes, and abandoned dreams collapsed me to my knees. There, in an instant, there I watched a part of me seek a new destination without my permission; Oh, what do I do now? My jig-saw puzzled life is only asking perfect to befriend me once the pieces of my heart become whole. Until then...

On the Cusp of Midnight

Before the midnight hour my mind will produce run-on sentences and fragmented visions describing how and why LOVE is important to me. Enclosed in a tiny box tucked under my beating heart, frustrated at times, praying someone LOVES me like Jesus loves the church. In my tiny box, lovingly at will, I want to share my compassions, deepest fears and regrets, yet remain on course of what tomorrow is destined to bring. Solemn within the scope of my inner-reality, I charge time to drum at my pace so I can vacuum every moment of love and relationship to succeed fail. Time withers. My desires intercepts snippets of HOW-TO-LOVE-GREAT. The word can't rallies itself into what-if-I-fail. Failure nestles its DNA along side my viewpoint. Ever damaging my perception. Time does not want me. Time does not wait for my healing. I want Love BUT the bleeding...the bleeding...the agony mixed with ecstasy had me writing a song for NINA. Time, take my hand. Let me understand you. Your so big I fear making excuses about working simultaneously with you. Love does not grow without time. From sunrise to sunset, all my thinking is time, love, time and love again. Remixing the two variables trying to enrich the process. As the midnight hour approaches, certain ideologies refuge my heart: (1) Never waste a moment; (2) Be in love with love; (3) You are loved unconditionally; (4) Love made you; when you die-love will remain; (5) You cannot control time, but you can control You. Not a power outage inside of my soul can manifest doubts of tomorrow. Even though, time does not wait, Love does. Its soothes. Its dictates. It erases. It builds. It caresses. People hurt. Love does not. I LOVE love. Two seconds till midnight and Jesus still loves the church. My tiny box is filling. My compassions, deepest fears and regrets still remain. One second left till midnight and Love's importance has increased. 12:00am....I LOVE YOU has been time stamped on...You.

I daydream in quiet. Letting the nearness of the thought processes comfort me. The struggle to find consistency in love has strengthened my doubt to ever find. Alone I feel. Maybe one day an arm will wrap itself around my heart blanketing my insecurities. Projecting my wants upon the world, sing aloud, too tired of playing stop-and-go with relationship desires-In search of what is needed, can do without the want. Just want to find miss forever so I can romance her with my eyes and say forever, ever, forever, ever...And watch our smiles slash through the midnight sky like a shooting star. As I am staring through the window praying in advance for your presence to be revealed, "God is good" I exhale in joy. Love is nearing. But I struggle in wait. My un-Godly acts create doubt. It feels good to be held sometimes. Winter looms over my bed-leaving only myself to hold. Kissing the night good-bye, another day to self-improve, I will continue to daydream in quiet. Love I am ready to embrace you. Are you ready to embrace me?

Beacon of Hope

Where shall life's road take me? As the broken white lines separate my hopes and dreams, the goal of experiencing both on the same side of the road seemed impossible. I walked the road searching to find... Many people abandoned ship when my trust set adrift. Looking upward at the unique structure of the earth that bottles me. Fighting through rough terrain, gasping for droplets of rain, praying as I am relentlessly pushing tirelessly forward searching to find... Love beckoned me to come home. Years ago, I soiled the welcome mat with ill-advised acts of coward-ness. Pulled myself on the side of the road, watched cars at light speed pass me by. Weary from going no-where, God please, I pleaded, slow me down; The road of hope became longer. Carefully, I hopscotched on the broken white lines searching to find... I needed something that No man, woman, money or fame could ever provide. A character transplant God fulfill me. Take my foolish eyes away from what is wanted to what is needed, so I can brand a new start. Allow me to run pass the finish line while keeping my eyes upon you Lord. Fighting through rough terrain, gasping for droplets of rain, praying relentlessly searching to find... God you are Love. You provide me unspeakable joy. Those same white broken lines merge into solidarity when you are present. The more I speak upon you, more and more people abandon me. As I fall victim to the back-peddle method, life becomes ambiguous. No longer will I live in eternal fear. Merrily, I walk. I sing, I dance, I romance the possibilities. I embrace the journey. I coincide with the rough terrain, droplets of rain become my portion providing me with just enough energy to stretch forward. "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you. If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you (Matthew 17:20)