sin has no face...its mission to steal, kill, and destroy!

There was a point in my life that I was employed by Satan. My employee number read 06041975. When Satan hired me, he immediately placed iron chains around my hands and on my feet. During Satan's crash course orientation, he served me, along with others all kinds of alcohol with loud demeaning music playing amidst his teachings that promoted hated for women and relationships, promotion of greed, money and power, and the joys of material wealth and possessions. Everyday, along with the consumption of alcoholic beverages, Satan began telling me that whatever comes to my mind matters over anything else including God's living word. It should be all about me: My desires, my lusts, my cravings, my wants, my needs, my money, my women, my influence, and my reputation that i placed at such a high level that i felt untouchable. Who could stop me now!!!

Well, ladies and gentlemen...God stopped me.

I lost everything that meant something to me. My wife and my family. I hold back many tears because I did not uphold my end of the bargain on my wedding day. I promised her that I would be her husband until God calls US home, but I carried the same acts that Satan hired me to do into my marriage. I wept in my sleep for days at a time. I asked God if He could pick up the broken pieces of my heart because I had no energy to move forth. Separated by sin, I wanted to come Home, but my keys had no ability to unlock the very door that was shut in my face. I was alone and afraid of what lied ahead. My future and my everything was supposed to be shared with my wife. But during my journey, my future only foresaw me. Who was I fooling? When I dated her, I was a man. When I became engaged to her, I became a boy again. When I married her, I was still a boy. Now, that she is gone, this fool has finally became a man. Satan despised me. He is the Father of Lies!! I remember he told me during the orientation, that if I want all the riches of the world, to take refuge in him, bastard!! I would have all the women. All my desires would be met. Yet, he played puppet with me, mocked me, stole my integrity, and gave falsehood to my character and gave me generic seeds that destroyed my family while he simply goes "my bad."

So when i stare into the mirror, I realize that sin has no face...its what the face feeds itself that gives sin life.

Lord, you are my redeemer. The alpha and omega of not some things but ALL things. Lord, I ask that you take control of my life and use me in any capacity that will bring glory to your Kingdom. You are the reason! Holy Spirit allow me to learn, war, contend, and be a blessing for someone...

This will be the year that I subject myself to change. I lost people in my life that I thought I would grow old with. I lost things in my life that I thought I needed. I heard things about me that were true, but I could not validate the truths because of my pride. I have fallen from the mountaintop, yet I still strive to move forth to a better place. Lord, forgive me for my transgressions. For I have sinned and I seek to move forth in your glory. Lord, your mercies have humbled me, carried me through many storms, and yor grace and mercy has allowed me to awake every morning to the chirping of birds. I am grateful. I do not always say / do the right things, but I really need you right now Father. I miss talking with you, worshipping your holy name, loving person(s) as YOU love me. This is an open cry-an open invite for you Lord to show me that pathway I need to take to become a better man, friend, father, and son because my time is running out of time.

Coming of Age...

'' I had to lose something that I loved, in order to find something that was lost.''' When this quote manifested itself through my brain, I was certain that change was near. I would wake up some mornings not happy at all. I found myself living for the fruits of money and superficial things. My life's goals seemed halted and non-detailed. I need more. I need to improve my relationship with GOD and stop frontin' like I have complete control of my life. No matter who leaves my life or becomes a part of it, understand, that I am not perfect, but I love Jesus with all my heart and soul. I just have to stop half-steppin before its too late. Yes...before its too late!

Losing my best friend

On Monday June 29, 2009, I lost my best friend since the 1st grade. Still numb to the reality of his absence, an empty void has been left in my heart. On a plane heading to Arkansas, I thought of the R. Kelly song " I Wish" and I immediately felt each word that was sung. Dandrick, my brother, my ace, my friend, I am yearning for one more day. I know God's plan was much bigger than yours and mines both, but I am not in a position of understanding as of yet. I am angry, not with God, but of the reality of you not being here with your closest friends and family. You were an impeccable friend with good judgment and character. A man chasing God's heart, a husband, father figure to many children, a leader, and a great son. A man is not only measured by his word, but also, by his action. I am here to tell the world that you will be truly missed. We were known as the best ball players in school. You were Magic Johnson; I was James Worthy. Our abilities as bball players was unbelieveable to many. We had dreams of playing professional ball and buying our parents homes, cars, etc...We dreamt big. I will never forget the unconditional friendship you gave me my boy. Your spirit and drive to be the helpmeet for others will forever live within me. My God and Savior, thank you for giving me 28 years of friendship from Dandrick Moton. Rest well my brother...til we meet again.

Time flies when you are having fun...months have passed...no book. All what it takes to produce a good book takes alooooooooot of work, time and energy. To be honest people, everyday I have a different perspective about the book, my writing skills, and if I am truly ready to be transparent about my ideals about love, relationships, and most of all, women. Some men measure their success by calculating how many women they can conquer; whereas, women want a man who is honest, sincere, endearing and have the ability to listen. Somewhere in between these important traits, I am lacking. I seek to be a better man. Just because I have a penis do not mean I was born to lead. I dont want to be just a leader, but a GREAT leader. Leadership begins with having the courage to be transparent about who you are...So when you get an email saying " Hooray, the book is complete!" you will know that my courage has manifested itself...
For now my friends, stay in my corner...

Godspeed for the year of 2009

Over the past couple of years, I have been relentlessly trying to live my life at my own pace-doing what is comfortable for me. As comfortable as I was becoming, things in my life were not getting accomplished. Though we live in the world, we do not have to do things of the world. I need to do things in order-Godspeed. I am...an intellectual introvert who battles with "disappointments" on a daily basis. Food for thoughts, huh? How about food for action? Speaking my mind is something that I can express through many medias. But, my actions, yes...my actions are my downfall because my actions never become to be. As the clock struck 12:00am and January 1st became official, flashes of all the promises, deadlines, job restraints, family, career choices wrapped their places in my heart...but there was still emptiness-a void. Hmmmm...I work everyday to earn a paycheck; I buy items of fashion to produce individual sex appeal; I write stories and poetry because it humbles my heart, but as much of a Christian man that I claim to be...I do not give God enough time. I make excuses. I do not make excuses when I have to report to work; I make sure to drive to mall to start to process of creating 'sex appeal'. God has done so much for me and I have done so little to praise, honor and worship him.
He is the king of all kings, the Lord of all Lords...when I think about the sacrifice that God has done for someone like me who sins on a daily basis...wow! I am still living and breathing when I know I was one of the Satan's puppets. Because of his grace and mercy and of his stripes, I am healed. Though we live in the world, we do not have to do things of the world. For 2009, I am striving to do things-Godspeed. I have a testimony...an unspoken one