The Enemy (In me)

I fell to my knees and reverenced my Lord and Savior. Not knowing whether to cry or scream, the sins that I have committed to my body have gotten the best of me tonight. Promises after Promises, I fought daily with the temptations of exploitation of the perversion that lies dormant in the unseen compartments of my heart. I plead with the Lord "that I cannot win...it feels too good...I cant stop." Speaking truthfully, somewhere deep down, I didn't want to stop. But I know that I am falling further and further away the promise The Lord made as HE was nailed to the cross. With the last bit of what was left in HIS body, Jesus whispered, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.

Victory!!!!

Lord, I know I have to place these gloves on my hands because You Lord gave me power and authority over all powers and principalities...

So I am ready, whether I fall or stumble, these gloves will stay on in a battle position Ready!

Are you?

Are you with your SOUL MATE or are you Mating for your Soul?

I was sitting in my living room and this McDonald's commercial appeared on-screen. The young lady asked her boyfriend "What do you like about me? Hesitant, he came up with basically jumbled words of nothing. She replied, "You are my soul mate!" I thought to myself, Hmmmmm, Soul Mate? Often used, but never fully explained.

In my lifetime, I have overheard people say He/She makes me feel this way. He/She respects me in every way. He/She treats me soooo good. Now, I thought, Do people say and feel this way Before or After the sex? If He/She wanted to have sex only with someone whom they are married to, how many Soul Mates would actually wait?

Nowadays, people are driven by lust, perversion, and sexual impurity. Relationship building is under new management-Get in and Get out! People are dating for sex. Sex is all around us. Its on billboards, magazines, dating internet services, and walking down our community streets and neighborhoods. We all want love, but the Sex is the prerequisite. The soul desires to mate. The flesh seeks affection. The butterflies in the belly only lasts for a season. And once that season comes to a close, the Real relational work begins. But what it looks to be, once the soul as mated, most He/She go AWOL, along with the relationship. Now, you are holding your hands up, screaming WTF did I do?

Let me tell you what you did:

You let that person's words shape and mold you. The tedious words made you conclude that He/She was your soul mate. Did you pray before you indulged in this He/She? Did God give you confirmation? Or did your curiosity and need for affection further your need to be with He/She?

So, now you mate for you soul. You are so in love, but guess what the Hunter(man) has conquered your soul and controls you, your body, and your mind. Why? Because of your need for affection. Steadily, that He/She does not talk to you the same way or make time to date and / or spend time with you. He/She priorities are different.

So before you lay on your back or get on top of someone, ask yourself, Am I having sex with this person who is my Soul Mate or am I mating for my Soul?

sin has no face...its mission to steal, kill, and destroy!

There was a point in my life that I was employed by Satan. My employee number read 06041975. When Satan hired me, he immediately placed iron chains around my hands and on my feet. During Satan's crash course orientation, he served me, along with others all kinds of alcohol with loud demeaning music playing amidst his teachings that promoted hated for women and relationships, promotion of greed, money and power, and the joys of material wealth and possessions. Everyday, along with the consumption of alcoholic beverages, Satan began telling me that whatever comes to my mind matters over anything else including God's living word. It should be all about me: My desires, my lusts, my cravings, my wants, my needs, my money, my women, my influence, and my reputation that i placed at such a high level that i felt untouchable. Who could stop me now!!!

Well, ladies and gentlemen...God stopped me.

I lost everything that meant something to me. My wife and my family. I hold back many tears because I did not uphold my end of the bargain on my wedding day. I promised her that I would be her husband until God calls US home, but I carried the same acts that Satan hired me to do into my marriage. I wept in my sleep for days at a time. I asked God if He could pick up the broken pieces of my heart because I had no energy to move forth. Separated by sin, I wanted to come Home, but my keys had no ability to unlock the very door that was shut in my face. I was alone and afraid of what lied ahead. My future and my everything was supposed to be shared with my wife. But during my journey, my future only foresaw me. Who was I fooling? When I dated her, I was a man. When I became engaged to her, I became a boy again. When I married her, I was still a boy. Now, that she is gone, this fool has finally became a man. Satan despised me. He is the Father of Lies!! I remember he told me during the orientation, that if I want all the riches of the world, to take refuge in him, bastard!! I would have all the women. All my desires would be met. Yet, he played puppet with me, mocked me, stole my integrity, and gave falsehood to my character and gave me generic seeds that destroyed my family while he simply goes "my bad."

So when i stare into the mirror, I realize that sin has no face...its what the face feeds itself that gives sin life.

Lord, you are my redeemer. The alpha and omega of not some things but ALL things. Lord, I ask that you take control of my life and use me in any capacity that will bring glory to your Kingdom. You are the reason! Holy Spirit allow me to learn, war, contend, and be a blessing for someone...

This will be the year that I subject myself to change. I lost people in my life that I thought I would grow old with. I lost things in my life that I thought I needed. I heard things about me that were true, but I could not validate the truths because of my pride. I have fallen from the mountaintop, yet I still strive to move forth to a better place. Lord, forgive me for my transgressions. For I have sinned and I seek to move forth in your glory. Lord, your mercies have humbled me, carried me through many storms, and yor grace and mercy has allowed me to awake every morning to the chirping of birds. I am grateful. I do not always say / do the right things, but I really need you right now Father. I miss talking with you, worshipping your holy name, loving person(s) as YOU love me. This is an open cry-an open invite for you Lord to show me that pathway I need to take to become a better man, friend, father, and son because my time is running out of time.

Coming of Age...

'' I had to lose something that I loved, in order to find something that was lost.''' When this quote manifested itself through my brain, I was certain that change was near. I would wake up some mornings not happy at all. I found myself living for the fruits of money and superficial things. My life's goals seemed halted and non-detailed. I need more. I need to improve my relationship with GOD and stop frontin' like I have complete control of my life. No matter who leaves my life or becomes a part of it, understand, that I am not perfect, but I love Jesus with all my heart and soul. I just have to stop half-steppin before its too late. Yes...before its too late!

Losing my best friend

On Monday June 29, 2009, I lost my best friend since the 1st grade. Still numb to the reality of his absence, an empty void has been left in my heart. On a plane heading to Arkansas, I thought of the R. Kelly song " I Wish" and I immediately felt each word that was sung. Dandrick, my brother, my ace, my friend, I am yearning for one more day. I know God's plan was much bigger than yours and mines both, but I am not in a position of understanding as of yet. I am angry, not with God, but of the reality of you not being here with your closest friends and family. You were an impeccable friend with good judgment and character. A man chasing God's heart, a husband, father figure to many children, a leader, and a great son. A man is not only measured by his word, but also, by his action. I am here to tell the world that you will be truly missed. We were known as the best ball players in school. You were Magic Johnson; I was James Worthy. Our abilities as bball players was unbelieveable to many. We had dreams of playing professional ball and buying our parents homes, cars, etc...We dreamt big. I will never forget the unconditional friendship you gave me my boy. Your spirit and drive to be the helpmeet for others will forever live within me. My God and Savior, thank you for giving me 28 years of friendship from Dandrick Moton. Rest well my brother...til we meet again.