Rebirth Day 21

Rebirth Day-20

My heart and mind had a contest: Who could heal first.

My heart had a huge hole in its core where the blood flow was minimal and sometimes leaking in places that were uncommon.

On the other hand, my mind, always thinking and plotting about things I physically cannot control, found refuge in bullshit and confusion. No longer a product of my past: Newness has finally found a home.

Rebirth Day 19: Chris Walker - Giving You All My Love

Rebirth Day-18

Carrying the burden of not protecting a heart that was as fragile as mines

Some days are better than others

Bended knees and arms extended to heaven's borders

For the millionth times, I asked God for forgiveness.

I remained in silence without prayer, thought, or a single word to give God

Hoping that my heart's murmurs are heard along side of the anxiety of not knowing what is forthcoming.

Somedays I wish I were perfect: Everything I do and say would be right on time.

But I run red lights symbolic of how I analyze my own processes that language my life.

English please!

What is a man supposed to do after he has lost everything?

I pray and hope and reach and want and cry and ponder and dream and pray and pray, but my eagerness makes me forget about patience.

Down the alter I walk and swallowing heavy because I am about to embark on a new walk, new attitude and a new forgiveness: Forgiving myself.

My head is down, not due to sadness, but surrendering my thoughts upon my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because when I am ready my head will rise and my "Rebirth" will begin.

Rebirth Day-17

There is soulful music calming the inner-most parts of my soul

You and I dancing the night away

Falling in a love trance, captivated by your smile that reminds me of Home.

With no intent of wanting to fall in love again, I grab your hands for security

My heart delicate and piercing with wants, desires, afraid of heartbreak and bad conclusions.

Don't really know how much I am capable of giving.

But that soulful music dancing around in my soul

Spinning to a heavenly tune that allows closeness in standing room only

With you, I have won.

Able to justify the way I feel by allowing my actions to dictate my thoughts

Dance with me; Don't dare let me go.

Let the music play and fine tune my heart to the perfect melody

So the reward will be our love becoming an endless classic that embodies perfection in its essence

And agape love through sacrifice and willingness.

The finish is nearing but our love has just begun.

I watch you under the perfect light that seasons your beauty beyond measure

Oh, my love, my love, my love

This is so right.

Never do I want the music to end.

Rebirth Day-16

Wasn't the best listener / Wasn't the best friend at times / Didn't always do the things that mattered most in my heart / I yearn for a re-start / Where we could interlock our hands once again and remind you how much I need you here / This re-start is lonely and scary / No one to lay my feelings to rest upon / No one to kiss good-night / No one to wake up happy to / No one to battle life with / I was a second late / I had stopped briefly to pick up some flowers for you / Cause I know my moods seemed to always get to you /We battled everyday to solve issues that pushed us further and further apart / 11 years of hope / salted and dissolved in one single tear / I cried for months / starving my feelings on confusion and fear / Fear is not of God / I stopped crying / Instead / I mourned the lost of love, hope, and faith that We would be ok / But those days are far and few / But / never allowing separation to take away the Love between You and I that is Heavenly true / I will always love you through the test of time / My heart is on the line / cause I still see you as mine / Forever we will be / The crying, remorse, disappointment will remain / as will my tears.

Rebirth Day-15

I sit in solitude wondering how did I get to this place where I am restricted from placing my arms around you. Weary from the confusion of the cards life has dealt me, I attempt to reach out beyond the restrictive barriers of these jail bars, yet, you are so far out of my reach. I yell out "Come back, Come back...I am sorry Honey" but as I wiped the tears away from my eyes that blurred me from glancing at you one more time, within that nano-second you were gone.

How can I protect you baby?

How can I make love to you baby?

How can I date you baby?

No way can I picture you with another man baby!

How can I be a full-time father to our kids baby?

I am guilty as charged. My pride separated us. My ego divorced us. But my Love for you gives me hope for us.

Keep Trying: Dont Give Up on Who you Love!

Rebirth Day-14

"Come home," I said while sobbing peacefully in my dreams. Time elapsed and sent us in separate corners of the world, but the Love that burns in my soul for you cannot be extinguished with paperwork, hatred-filled words, and drafted lies.

How is it possible to let go when I wrapped everything possible to give you around my heart: I refuse to untie the knot...

Simple love directed by a hard head, now the reality of welcoming me back inside the most detailed organ in your body now gives space to a superficial being that was given a human name, but his name is spelled different from mines.

Where do I go from here? I wish I could have wiped all the dirt from my past on the welcome mat and walked through those marital doors as a clean, upright, and righteous man. Instead, I gave pathway for Satan to label me, not believing he was out to personally seek, kill, and destroy me.

Repent I did. But it came at a cost:

I said Good-bye to that Lady in my life. I did not want to, I promise you. I said Good-bye with a purpose in mind. I said Good-bye with remorseful tears in my eyes. I said Good-bye without knowing if I would ever again be significant in her life. I said Good-bye because there was no "we" Because I thought "I". I said Good-bye because I needed more of her and Less of GOD in my life.

When I entered my house for the very first time, I never cleaned my feet on the welcome mat, usually stepping over it.

When I left my house for the last time, both feet placed on the mat, the cleansing would begin.

Healing...

We Face Many Storms in our Lives, But Joy Comes in the Morning!

Rebirth Day 13

Never was a fan of endings of stories or songs;

Words hurt, but I write them out of Love.

Sometimes I walk the earth with my head down;

But my destination is always met.

Lost the Love of my life;

Her sacrifice I will carry with me.

Though the lost was significant; I Love my life even more.

Feeding my spirit-man by reading God's living word;

Faith, Hope and Love keeps me covered and prayed for.

When the well dried up;

My tears just begun to fall.

Facing the uncertainty of the unknown;

As much as I hurt inside, I know I must move on.

Dang. I am still in Love.

Rebirth Day-12

Searching the deepest waters attempting to find forgiveness that is buried deeply behind your bitterness and anger. Becoming frustrated that Love has traveled eastward while my arms are wide open, though my eyes are not focused on the finish line before me. Sorrowed and remorseful about awful decisions I made. But Loved watching the way your Pretty wings soared...I found hope as I stared gracefully at them.

Many days I stared loneliness in its stark and eery state-I befriended it and took some of its intrinsic characteristics which tended to slumber my disposition.

To the end of the earth, I will find you again. I will not be the problem, but the solution as I should have been.

No longer will I Love with my head down and not allow myself to see the true essence of beauty that contains the very factors that coincide with the many love ballads that play tribute to my love for you.

Each captured, photographed, and unspoken through endless love making up until WE birth another you.

Stay open and humble my Love because when I find you I will know exactly what to do with you.

Letting go. Rebirth-Day 11

Your EVERYTHING is what i wanted. I pursued you willingly because thats where my heart wanted to be. You turned your back on me, my feelings, my regrets, and my apologies. Left me crying in bed as you make fun of the sincerity of my advances. So mean with your deciding words, something is so different about you-another man i figured. Hurt over rid my love for which i would die fighting for my destiny with you, but you chose another path, headed in the opposite direction of me, so I shook my head in numbness knowingly concluding that I will never make love to you under the stars again. I will never get a chance to say I Love You just because. I just wanted to love on you with humility and fortitude. Now, as you violate me with angered words, I will silently, like a thief in the night, walk away and move on.

Rebirth-Day 10

God is in the business of Restoration. Claiming Victory in Jesus' name. Amen.

Rebirth-Day 9

Its funny how people can make fun of your feelings by "talking" to others about what was said through conversation, but those same people tend to forget to take inventory of their own lives. My feelings are not housed at Toys R US where you can play and fondle away with them then shelve them anywhere you want to. God says:

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

FYI: My chest is much bigger than yours! So I stand steadfast in God's living word, so keep talking, laughing, and spreading my business around. In the end, I will continue to do me.

Rebirth-Day 8

Something very special is going to happen this weekend. I can feel it. My prayer for today:

Humble me today Oh Lord in your surrender. Give my family and friends the peace that they need to get through the day. Lord, allow your love to be their portion. Give them the fortitude to keep pressing forward to do what you purposed them to do on this very day. I pray this in your mighty name, in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, my redeemer and best friend. Amen.

Rebirth-Day 7

Right now: Listening to Judacamp-Proved Yourself.

God is Faithful! HE proves it everyday when HIS MERCY wakes me up in the morning.

Rebirth-Day 6

I realized today, after a self-evaluation of myself, that some people want to keep you and judge you based upon your past. Funny thing is they are the first people who say "you will never change." Judge yourself before you judge others!!!

Rebirth-Day 5

Woke up this morning having "arguments" in my head. Situational arguments stemming from a past relationship toppled with the things in my heart that I never had a chance to display. I thought about a puppet. A puppet is controlled by the manipulation of a person to control its every movement. So the question of the day: Who controls you? Are you satan's puppet or is God in your driver's seat? Satan controls people through manipulation, lies, and deception. God is love, forever faithful, long-suffering, and loves the unsaved just as much as the saved. God wants to drive you to victory everyday, so again, I ask...Who controls you? Whose in your driver's seat???

Rebirth-Day 4

I picked up my old Love Dare book and began flipping through the pages to see how far I had gotten. I think I made it to Day 12 before giving up. Why is it so important to have Love in your life? Why do I need that right now? In the end, I realize now how important Family is and that "running the streets" has no ending point but death.

I read Psalm 119 (Thanks Michelle) and it really helped me grasp God's unfailing love that I am guilty of forgetting sometimes during my worse times.

I asked God for a clean heart. I asked the Lord to be the light under my feet and order my pathway. Right now, my life has many road blocks and I need strength to get over each hurdle that keeps me inward.

I pray for restoration of my family, love, peace, and joy. Please pray for me.

Rebirth-Day 3

Woke up this morning feeling like I lost the one thing in my heart that no one even knew I loved.

Bothered by the desire to restore what was lost, I face the uncertainty of never feeling the way I felt. Trapped in a conclusive predicament, head down, I miss you. Life has not been the same.

The Rebirth-Day 2

With repentance, comes understanding. With understanding, comes growth.

Lord, in your living word, Psalm 138 reads: "Lord, with all my heart I thank you. I will sing your praises before the armies of angels in heaven. I face your Temple as I worship, giving thanks to you for all your lovingkindness and faithfulness, for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name. When I pray, you answer me, and encourage me by giving me the strength I need."

Right now Lord I need you like never before. I do not want to duplicate what has already been done that destroyed a household, love, and family. I am seeking understanding daily, but I do not feel like I am growing.

I NEED YOU LORD LIKE MY SKIN NEEDS THE SUN.

The Rebirth-Day 1

"Breathe Unto Me Oh Lord"

My heart is still searching and wondering, Why me?

A Brand New Start

Wanted to go somewhere to cleanse of my mind of the many sins I committed when I talked down to you;

Fairy-taled conclusions, remorseful of the lack of time I did not take to re-invent the truthfulness of the love shared.

Bottled in my own comfort zone, I could not face the reality that losing you was like stabbing my own self in the chest;

At best, I cried. But the weeping never seemed to want to stop.

I reached out beyond the confinements of my ego and pride and shouted out at the top of my lungs that Lord, I am sorry.

Silence deafened me; Muted by the serenity of the clashing of the waves, the thwarting of the flock of birds heading south-my spirit close in flight behind.

Etching my critical thoughts line by line in the moist sand's inbox,

the subject was unclear, the conclusion remained steadfast.

My lies were predicated on selfishness-I am alone.

My heart feels the pain as if it was giving birth to twins-still alone.

My journey, as I pray without ceasing, caused an eruption of all the parts of my body that was built out of love, realizing that because of my actions: I deserve to be alone.

On the way, I went. I travelled myself to a place that I could feel love in its truest form.

Where I could cry and not be ashamed; Where I could reform my transgressions and make a brand new start.

No more polluted entries to invade my bodily functions; No more pollution to hinder my out loud cries.

Furthered by purpose, strengthened by faith, carried by love,

I stretched my arms out, wrapped them around God's bosom, HE lifted me up, patted me on my back, and stroked my head and said, " Son, follow me."

Are you really listening?

Can I have a moment my lady? We are so close, yet our Love is so far away. Seemingly, when we try to take two steps forward, we end up taking ten steps backwards. When I talk, you talk. When you talk, I talk. Two people talking at the top of their lungs, but no ears are open for listening. I said I love you five times in a row, but you kept bickering on trying to conclude your points of emphasis. I said I am sorry for my irresponsibilities, but you turned your back on me. Looking at you wearisomely in the eyes, I asked, " So what do you want me to say or do?" "Listen to me," she exhaled.

She says, "Lover we are so close, yet I feel as if our love has departed. Every time I wanna move forward, I have a Michael Jackson moment where I feel entrenched to moonwalk backwards. We are always talking over each other-no resolution is branded. You never tell me You love me or take responsibility for your actions. Thats why I cannot look at you and why my back is always facing forward."

So, with a sense of agitation in her voice, she says, "Is there something you expect from me?

With no reluctancy, I turned my back on her...

Unspoken Thoughts, LLC presents the book: Love Fiction: A Journey Through Its Truths

What are you willing to give up for Love?

Who is in your life's driver's seat?

If God took away all of your earthly possessions, would you still praise / worship Him?

What is Love? And what was Love created to accomplished?

If you desire to know, take a journey with me and purchase: Love Fiction: A Journey Through Its Truths by Jermon E. Cooks

Po Box 883 Rialto, California 92376 Attn: Jermon Cooks

Price:15.00 (Shipping and Handling included in price)

Email: jermon_cooks@unspokenthoughts.info

Love Matters and so do You.

Each candle was lit based upon the fire that exists in my inner-soul;

I wanted to find that 'special place' where could discuss how we can create a new meaning of love; where you could lay your head on my chest and talk your little heart away as I listen, without response, thinking how wonderful of a man you make me feel. God did not make a mistake allowing me have the nearness of you under the shadows of the dim light. Its so amazing how we went from casual conversation about our life's goals to wedding dresses and tuxedos to having our first child. Moment after moment after moment, the love that we share ceases to quench the very thirst of what my heart yearns for.

Each candle represents a sun ray of light that makes a home within your inner-soul. You are so amazing as you re-construct my heart that was once broken into milli-pieces of hopelessness.

There is No ME without YOU. There is No Fiction attached to your Love. I want to come HOME.

Dear You,

My name is Jermon Cooks. I am writing you this letter because my phone is not on a 4G network so my service is shady in some areas, kinda sorta like my life. As I was driving west bound headed toward my destination, I saw the old bakery where we used to meet after work to share a banana walnut cupcake and two hot coco's. My emotions got the best of me so I decided to park across the street from the bakery falling in deep thought still imagining our spirits sitting at the very table that we sat shoulder to shoulder, cheek to cheek. Funny how you never used to eat the cupcake itself; you were a fan of walnuts. So I guess I was the greedy one because after you picked a few walnuts out of the cupcake, the rest of it disappeared quite rapidly. I miss you. I know time has taken us in different directions and given us many opportunities of lifelong happiness, but I was the never the same after I left. Too selfish for my own good, the benefits of what was being offered cannot compare to the whispered I Love You's after dinner under candlelight. The fire in your eyes simmered the doubts in my soul. You brought newness in places that were forbidden for any and all person(s). You were my everyday-my morning star, the rays of the rising sun, my hero who promised to protect me from heartbreak. Every inch of my being felt the love that you surrendered effortlessly. I could not match the intensity of your love. I could not put childish things away. A hopeless romantic that made hopeless decisions that in the end cost my heart to stop. I never told you why I left...so let me go get a banana walnut cupcake and a coco and let me explain.

Better yet, I wrote a book about it called Love Fiction: A Journey Through Its Truths...

I just wish you were alive to read it...

God's Promise...

"LET YOUR SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA"

With Love,

The Unspoken One: Jermon E. Cooks